“No, really this one is my absolute favorite forever,” Tori says, - comma
L-shaped
Jill and Tori had spent every night this week listening to vinyl records from the collection Tori had started over the summer. It filled an entire wall of shelves she’d dubbed the “The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”
bazaar (yes, really)
Tori looks at her watch. “You should just stay the night, dude.”
Tori would quietly knock, sing-songing her name, and Jill
she declares, retrieving
“Get out of my house.”
Jill says, sliding
She knows Tori hates it when she listens to music when she walks alone after dark but Jill doesn’t care and the campus isn’t that far. - break that sentence up - either commas or two sentences
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 6/9/14 11:56 pm (UTC)“No, really this one is my absolute favorite forever,” Tori says, - comma
L-shaped
Jill and Tori had spent every night this week listening to vinyl records from the collection Tori had started over the summer. It filled an entire wall of shelves she’d dubbed the “The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”
bazaar (yes, really)
Tori looks at her watch. “You should just stay the night, dude.”
Tori would quietly knock, sing-songing her name, and Jill
she declares, retrieving
“Get out of my house.”
Jill says, sliding
She knows Tori hates it when she listens to music when she walks alone after dark but Jill doesn’t care and the campus isn’t that far. - break that sentence up - either commas or two sentences
and hits Send