codenamewanderlust: (Sky)
Singularity
 
She hadn't heard from User51 in weeks. Meta4 kept the burner phone with his last number in it. She had circulated their hashtags on all of the usual places. She’d agreed when he wanted go.
 
It was only a side quest, he'd said, an easter egg.
 
She had tried to find her own access point after he hadn't returned. Her only clue was "Apogee." She’d found it on a sticker in the 4th stall of the women’s restroom in the bus station in Someplace, Nevada. 
 
It was like trying to do a jigsaw puzzle while not knowing if you even had all the pieces. 
 
Apogee was also the name on the highest score of the Addams Family pinball machine in Toledo, Nowhere. Above the name GoSting. That was the same night she’d smoked her last joint and solved Time Cube theory but couldn't quite remember it the next day. Stuck with this sense of deja-vu and feeling like a fixed point on a map between her feet and the sky. Above and Below. An exponent in a world of sleeping NPCs.
 
Do you still believe in it all? U had asked her once when they had retreated into the matrix, found a loophole in the code and stayed for almost a month in an unoccupied cabin in Thisplace, North Carolina. They’d read excerpts of all the books they were each carrying and left them all behind when they left.
 
U called it poetic terrorism. Like the weekend they stayed in a condo in St.Louis,Somewhere while the rich old couple who owned the place were out of the country. U hacked into the guys on-line gambling account and convinced her it was karma when she won big money on her first try. They only dumped half into their own pay-pal account before U wiped away the rest of their digital footprints.
 
I was in the honeymoon of my life… Meta hums to herself as she hangs string of lights over a fairly clean mattress she had found and pushed up against a wall in the empty 2nd floor office where she was currently squatting. 
 
She’d also found an old sewing machine in a storage closet and it was on the floor next to an old microwave. The place still had power but no water. She reaches for one of the gallons she carried all the way from the gas station gasping as an automatic reflex makes her rear back, then she laughs at herself and the tiny light bulb of the old sewing machine, the familiar texture of something that could cause her pain. Like tall wiry boys in woolen caps with deep southern accents like caramel dripped on apples.
 
She’d broken character at least four times now. Picked up the blue handset of each old coin operated telephones she passed by and spoken into the silence: I’d like to speak to User51, please / User51 can you hear me?/ This is Meta4 calling for User51 / I would like to establish a connection / Please!
 
She dropped dimes and quarters that never came back. Pressed the lever that never caused a dial tone. And one time when she was quite sure she was alone she smashed the receiver against the brassy metal buttons of the numbered keypad repeatedly before hanging it back in it’s cradle, retrieving her pack from the ground and walking away.
 
 
___________________
 
A/N: This is the continuation of an entry I posted last season:
 
 
I'm not sure if it stands alone but none of my other ideas for the topic this week came together.  I enjoyed revisiting this world anyhow.
 

codenamewanderlust: (Default)
We haven’t spoken in almost two years
 
There is so much I want to say 
But I know you won’t hear it 
 
We are ghosts caught in our own feedback loop of arrogance
  
Existing on separate planes
of the same home
 
Sometimes I am terrified that I have died 
And this is my life flashing before my eyes
 
But YOU are the one haunting this house 
 
A black cloud 
 
Navigating through hallways in an effort to reduce emotional traffic
Avoiding responsibility 
 
I’m feeling like I’m loosing time
Loosing the pages of this chapter 
 
As my half present self remembers to keep my shoes off the furniture
For the sake of your mother 
Who has taught me the meaning of unconditional love
 
Is it too much to ask for a little gratitude? 
Could you shrug off your pride
Just this once?
Just this once could we make it about me?
 
Cause see 
My DNA is linked to yours and I’m tired of paying your karmic debt
 
At least I’m working on my shit
Coming to realizations and shit
About the status quo 
 
and status-es
 
And the place where I am counting days like dollar bills 
 
Buying and spending time like currency
 
The rainbows that reflect in from crystals hung in the open windows that you could no longer see because you had boxed yourself in 
Refused to let in the light
In the cottage house on the edge of the property built for you 
By your mother with love and blessings 
All of which you have taken for granted
 
The first time I left
You fed me lies, to bring me back
Planting seeds of false hope
All while demanding my 16 year old half-sister give you all of her very first paycheck because she was supposed to be “helping” you 
 
Except being the father 
kind of works the other way 
 
Especially when your youngest daughter, my half-sister 
was being raised by her late mother’s grandparent’s
 
And you are still being raised
by your still very present
saint of a mother
 
I wonder sometimes
About the blood in the water 
When she dies
And weather I’ll stay and fight 
 
Or fly away for good 
Once her soul has departed 
Because everyone else here 
is giving everything they have in tithe
 
And then there is you 
 
the “crown prince”
 
Once upon a time
You and MY mother were high school sweethearts 
Who were history even before my third birthday
 
Your mother tells me I was conceived in love I have never felt
 
But this is MY story
 
And this is the sunshine I surround myself with 
 
While your head is too big to fit in the goddamn house 
codenamewanderlust: (a novel by josephine march)
Full Text Below Audio



Distance Means So Little...

You protected me even back then Layla
I can say to you now,
And wonder at the bond that has made us soul sisters
Despite all the odds

I was a queermo in a small town
a bad influence on my peers
Because I was intrinsically different

Afraid to test the theory
There was this ever growing chasm between the things that you knew
and I did not
My very thoughts damming me to eternal hellfire

The color guard captain who mixed a clear bitter liquid into our juice when her parents weren’t home

But I remained the bad influence

Because my mother was scandalous
in the small town
where you protected me without my ever even knowing

There were times I spent nights on my knees sobbing to a deity
Who never answered my prayers

I found love
in the arms of a troubled young man who was born into a female body
We picked the scabs off each others souls until we were raw
because we liked the taste of each other’s blood

Grasping the phone to my ear at 2am
I will never make it through this Layla...
Read more... )

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Codename: Wanderlust

February 2020

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