LJIdol / LPF: Week 4: Ghosting

[codenamewanderlust]

We haven’t spoken in almost two years

 

There is so much I want to say 

But I know you won’t hear it 

 

We are ghosts caught in our own feedback loop of arrogance

  

Existing on separate planes
of the same home

 

Sometimes I am terrified that I have died 

And this is my life flashing before my eyes

 

But YOU are the one haunting this house 

 

A black cloud 

 

Navigating through hallways in an effort to reduce emotional traffic
Avoiding responsibility 

 

I’m feeling like I’m loosing time

Loosing the pages of this chapter 

 

As my half present self remembers to keep my shoes off the furniture

For the sake of your mother 

Who has taught me the meaning of unconditional love

 

Is it too much to ask for a little gratitude? 

Could you shrug off your pride

Just this once?

Just this once could we make it about me?

 

Cause see 

My DNA is linked to yours and I’m tired of paying your karmic debt

 

At least I’m working on my shit

Coming to realizations and shit

About the status quo 

 

and status-es

 

And the place where I am counting days like dollar bills 

 

Buying and spending time like currency

 

The rainbows that reflect in from crystals hung in the open windows that you could no longer see because you had boxed yourself in 
Refused to let in the light

In the cottage house on the edge of the property built for you 

By your mother with love and blessings 

All of which you have taken for granted

 
The first time I left
You fed me lies, to bring me back

Planting seeds of false hope
All while demanding my 16 year old half-sister give you all of her very first paycheck because she was supposed to be “helping” you 

 

Except being the father 

kind of works the other way 

 

Especially when your youngest daughter, my half-sister 

was being raised by her late mother’s grandparent’s

 

And you are still being raised
by your still very present
saint of a mother

 

I wonder sometimes

About the blood in the water 

When she dies

And weather I’ll stay and fight 

 

Or fly away for good 

Once her soul has departed 

Because everyone else here 

is giving everything they have in tithe

 

And then there is you 

 

the “crown prince”

 

Once upon a time

You and MY mother were high school sweethearts 

Who were history even before my third birthday

 

Your mother tells me I was conceived in love I have never felt

 

But this is MY story

 

And this is the sunshine I surround myself with 

 

While your head is too big to fit in the goddamn house 

Comments

[bleodswean]

Yowza. This is powerful stuff. Reads like an incantation. And this is brilliant and hurty at the same time - As my half present self remembers to keep my shoes off the furniture
For the sake of your mother
Who has taught me the meaning of unconditional love

[halfshellvenus]

Oh, I loved the last line of this-- such a punch of a finish to the overall idea.

The idea of you-- everyone-- tiptoeing around the house to avoid setting off the self-entitled King of this castle.. . there's such tension and resentment here, such palpable misery and injustice.

I hope you, your sister, and his mother survive him and how he makes the rest of you feel.

[adoptedwriter]

Wow! I can relate well to this, having a family member who is "rock star worshipped" in spite of their behavior. Hugs

[tatdatcm]

Walking on eggshells is tough, especially when it's around someone you're supposed to love and who is supposed to love you. The frustration and pain really comes through in this.

[static_abyss]

I agree with tatdatcm, it can be very difficult to navigate that line between someone you're told you should love and who should also love you, and knowing that you won't find what you're looking for with them. I'm glad you have found other people who have shown you unconditional love and I am sorry that you are feeling these frustrations. You did a good job of conveying your feelings through your entry.

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Whoa! This is powerful and it got me curious to know the relation the narrator is talking about. Very well crafted ..this is gonna linger in my memory for sometime...too many good lines here that I can't pick just a single one. Well done! Kudos.

[murielle]

Strong. Punctuated with hope that glimmers through the black-out shade of the tyranny of one, this piece resonates powerfully.

So well done!

[rayaso]

Such a powerful poem! Very well done.

[bellatrixe]

I have to agree with what others said before me how that kind of situation can be so nightmareish when walking on eggshells. This is such a powerfully written piece though and you articulated everything about this kind of situation to perfection. Great job!

[daisysparrow]

"counting days like dollar bills" is an exquisite line, and it's a great take on the topic

[nayanawrites]

Unconditional love ... does that even exist ?

This is a very well written piece .... has got me thinking and introspecting on various levels.

[dmousey]

I can empathize with you in so many ways. I'm glad your grandmother shows you what REAL love is. 🎃✌😔~~~d

[bewize]

Powerful. I really liked the ending and the strength of your words there. It really spoke to me.