codenamewanderlust: (elf ears)
Codename: Wanderlust ([personal profile] codenamewanderlust) wrote2016-12-15 09:48 am

LJ Idol 10: Week 3: Brushback pitch

The Begining of The End,
or It's All Just a Matter of Time

1am
The words trip over her tongue.
They wash out into the space between them
Hitting her target slightly left of the center.
She’s smiling;
Blowing hot air over her fingernails
and buffing them on her lapel.
It’s a brush-back pitch,
A challenge,
A dare,
A psych out,
She’s redefining their boundaries.

2am

She’s bored and he’s —
Well, not defenseless after all apparently,
but they’ve kept their hands to themselves.
The pain lies (so many lies) in the dust particles
floating on the sound waves
contextualized between them.
She was drawn to him because of this.
A shared history of idle threats.
Because he kindled the fire of her passion,
Because he liked her purple prose;
And kept his own quill sharpened.

3am

He is the black knight
riding across the desert.
She is the sorceress; no, not yet the dragon.
She is not breathing fire but blowing smoke
against the limits of his conviction.
She's still waiting to see
if he’ll sit this one out,
Take a bye,
Call it a draw.
Or, step up to the plate,
Pick up the dropped glove,
Take ten paces and turn.

4am

They both know all the right
buttons to push,
strings to pull,
words to hurl; loaded into slingshots
Constructed out of circular arguments.
Their vows spoken backwards;
A spell,
A trick,
A promise.
Abracadabra!
Alakazam!
The sound of a needle skipped on a vinyl record.
The words trip over her tongue.
She is still smiling when he finally swings.

__________________________

AN: I guess I have a thing for even numbers so this one is 250 words

[identity profile] bleodswean.livejournal.com 2016-12-16 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Ooooooh! Really powerful and a fine response to a difficult prompt. I KNOW this scene!! And it's one that is very hard to capture artistically.

I particularly enjoyed this - Because he liked her purple prose;
And kept his own quill sharpened.


GREAT work!

[identity profile] rswndrlst.livejournal.com 2016-12-16 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I'm so relieved it worked! I am also grateful for your encouraging comments!! I have been so inspired this season and I'm not ready to be out yet but I'm super nervous with the vote this week because I totally took a chance with this one.

[identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com 2016-12-16 07:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Such a good poem! I especially liked "The sound of a needle skipped on a vinyl record." It was very evocative.

[identity profile] rswndrlst.livejournal.com 2016-12-16 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! This is such inspiring feedback!

[identity profile] j0ydivided.livejournal.com 2016-12-17 07:42 am (UTC)(link)
I really enjoyed this -- it's experimental, but it works really well.

[identity profile] rswndrlst.livejournal.com 2016-12-18 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
Yay! Thank you!!

[identity profile] magazhchi.livejournal.com 2016-12-18 12:55 pm (UTC)(link)

Because he kindled the fire of her passion,


Because he liked her purple prose;


And kept his own quill sharpened.


Loved it. Amazing take!

[identity profile] rswndrlst.livejournal.com 2016-12-19 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! and I'm so glad that line resonates

[identity profile] encrefloue.livejournal.com 2016-12-18 03:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Very well done. Loved the structure, the pace, the way you wrapped symbols around the two characters like pieces of armor before their battle. Excellent!

[identity profile] rswndrlst.livejournal.com 2016-12-18 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)

Thanks so much for reading! and I'm so flatterd by this feedback because your song is so good, lyrics and performance!

Edited 2016-12-18 21:37 (UTC)

[identity profile] encrefloue.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
That's so kind of you! Thanks for checking out my entry!

[identity profile] eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com 2016-12-19 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
this is beautiful.

[identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com 2016-12-19 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Amazing take! loved the play of words here.Superb.

[identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com 2016-12-19 06:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for your entry!

[identity profile] tonithegreat.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
My favorite part was:

The pain lies (so many lies) in the dust particles
floating on the sound waves
contextualized between them.

To me, this was familiar words-swords territory. I really liked your word weaving here!

[identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 06:41 am (UTC)(link)
sports isn't relegated to simply athletic competition, as you prove with this piece! I like the feisty elements between these two combatants as they go about the business of testing each other's resolve and limits.

[identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
I can see how something more combative than cooperative might rise up between two people as it did here. When you fight, you know you're alive, at least for a while.

[identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 08:49 am (UTC)(link)
Everything else aside, this is just a great poem. So glad you wrote it, even more glad you shared it, and look embedded prompt makes sense within the cotext of the poem. A win any way you look at it. Kudos!

[identity profile] my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 06:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I really enjoyed reading this. Very nice pace and flow to it.

[identity profile] uselesstinrelic.livejournal.com 2016-12-20 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I can't honestly say that I felt I really understood what was happening here (poetry and all its associated imagery doesn't come to me easily,) but I appreciated the flow and the ease. Even if poetry isn't usually my jam, I can absolutely tell when a poem is skillfully crafted. There's an ease to it that yours has and I appreciate your talent with words.