LJ Idol 10: Week 3: Brushback pitch

[codenamewanderlust]

The Begining of The End,
or It's All Just a Matter of Time

1am

The words trip over her tongue.

They wash out into the space between them

Hitting her target slightly left of the center.

She’s smiling;

Blowing hot air over her fingernails

and buffing them on her lapel.

It’s a brush-back pitch,

A challenge,

A dare,

A psych out,

She’s redefining their boundaries.

2am

She’s bored and he’s —

Well, not defenseless after all apparently,

but they’ve kept their hands to themselves.

The pain lies (so many lies) in the dust particles

floating on the sound waves

contextualized between them.

She was drawn to him because of this.

A shared history of idle threats.

Because he kindled the fire of her passion,

Because he liked her purple prose;

And kept his own quill sharpened.

3am

He is the black knight

riding across the desert.

She is the sorceress; no, not yet the dragon.

She is not breathing fire but blowing smoke

against the limits of his conviction.

She's still waiting to see
if he’ll sit this one out,

Take a bye,

Call it a draw.

Or, step up to the plate,

Pick up the dropped glove,

Take ten paces and turn.

4am

They both know all the right

buttons to push,

strings to pull,

words to hurl; loaded into slingshots

Constructed out of circular arguments.

Their vows spoken backwards;

A spell,

A trick,

A promise.

Abracadabra!

Alakazam!

The sound of a needle skipped on a vinyl record.

The words trip over her tongue.

She is still smiling when he finally swings.

__________________________

AN: I guess I have a thing for even numbers so this one is 250 words

Comments

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

Ooooooh! Really powerful and a fine response to a difficult prompt. I KNOW this scene!! And it's one that is very hard to capture artistically.

I particularly enjoyed this - Because he liked her purple prose;
And kept his own quill sharpened.

GREAT work!

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so relieved it worked! I am also grateful for your encouraging comments!! I have been so inspired this season and I'm not ready to be out yet but I'm super nervous with the vote this week because I totally took a chance with this one.

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

Such a good poem! I especially liked "The sound of a needle skipped on a vinyl record." It was very evocative.

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! This is such inspiring feedback!

[j0ydivided.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed this -- it's experimental, but it works really well.

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you!!

[magazhchi.livejournal.com]

Because he kindled the fire of her passion,

Because he liked her purple prose;

And kept his own quill sharpened.

Loved it. Amazing take!

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

Thank you! and I'm so glad that line resonates

[encrefloue.livejournal.com]

Very well done. Loved the structure, the pace, the way you wrapped symbols around the two characters like pieces of armor before their battle. Excellent!

[rswndrlst.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for reading! and I'm so flatterd by this feedback because your song is so good, lyrics and performance!

[encrefloue.livejournal.com]

That's so kind of you! Thanks for checking out my entry!

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

this is beautiful.

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Amazing take! loved the play of words here.Superb.

[sinnamongirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your entry!

[tonithegreat.livejournal.com]

My favorite part was:

The pain lies (so many lies) in the dust particles
floating on the sound waves
contextualized between them.

To me, this was familiar words-swords territory. I really liked your word weaving here!

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

sports isn't relegated to simply athletic competition, as you prove with this piece! I like the feisty elements between these two combatants as they go about the business of testing each other's resolve and limits.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I can see how something more combative than cooperative might rise up between two people as it did here. When you fight, you know you're alive, at least for a while.

[murielle.livejournal.com]

Everything else aside, this is just a great poem. So glad you wrote it, even more glad you shared it, and look embedded prompt makes sense within the cotext of the poem. A win any way you look at it. Kudos!

[my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed reading this. Very nice pace and flow to it.

[uselesstinrelic.livejournal.com]

I can't honestly say that I felt I really understood what was happening here (poetry and all its associated imagery doesn't come to me easily,) but I appreciated the flow and the ease. Even if poetry isn't usually my jam, I can absolutely tell when a poem is skillfully crafted. There's an ease to it that yours has and I appreciate your talent with words.